The Paddling Experience

We took our inspiration for this gift from that great apocryphal work on paddling – Dr Foster

Dr Foster went to Gloucester in the pouring rain

He stepped in a puddle right up to his middle

And never went back there again

If a doctor can experience extreme paddling and survive then the kind of crap paddling we’re offering will be a walk in the park by comparison.*

 Suitable for:
Kids
Anyone that isn’t Dr Foster
People that can’t swim
Adrenalin junkies

INSTRUCTIONS

• Go outside
• Pick a paddling location (see below for location specific instructions)

Paddling in the Sea

• Go to a beach where the sea is easily accessible
• Choose a sunny day or it’ll be crap
• We recommend removing your shoes and socks/boots/slippers/kung fu shoes before stepping into the water
• Splosh your feet happily through the shallow water as it rolls onto the sand

Important note

If the water reaches higher than the knee this is no longer the paddling experience – this is wading

If the water reaches higher than the waist and your feet are off the sand – this is swimming

• Turn around and go back to the shallows – wading and swimming are NOT covered by this experience 

Paddling anywhere else

• We recommend wearing wellingtons to maximize the paddling experience
• When you find a puddle you like the look of – stop, wait, bend your knees, put both feet together and JUMP! (If you can’t commit to the JUMP, go home.)
• If you’re worried about drowning, take a friend who can help pull you out
• If you can’t find any puddles look for paddling pools, burst water mains, garden hoses.

 Congratulations – you have survived The Paddling Experience!

If you’ve enjoyed buying this gift, then why not check out our equally as crap present the Ultimate Dirty Weekend Experience