Description
Gym Experience
Just look at that BELLY, surely this is the perfect gift for you..?
NOT GUARANTEED to give you a six pack, big guns, instant sex appeal or sweaty armpits.
NO YEARLY MEMBERSHIP FOR LIFE
Personal Trainer Advice – If you find the enclosed weights a wee bit light you can choose something in the house heavier. Now if you are
a hippy, everything will seem heavy man….but that’s not the case, start with lighter bags of sugar, cans of food, the dog (this one I would try
not to drop). A good idea if you have an upstairs toilet is to take some laxatives, wait then boom, plenty of running up and down stairs, burn
those calories!
GYM Rules
Put your weights away after use, nothing worse than looking in the cupboard and not being able to find the sugar or tins of food.
Don’t renew your membership each year as there isn’t one.
Help anyone who’s struggling, if they need a cake get them one, if they need to suddenly run upstairs get out of the way.
Beware of people with curly hair… they are not all Joe Wicks some are people from Liverpool…
Nutritional Advice
Now Joe Wicks will tell you it’s all about carbs, protein etc.. well it doesn’t have to be. SUGAR is key it’s fuel for the body, like filling your car
up with high octane fuel… you will go faster and longer… Just got to look at the animal world, ants run around like mad men never stopping, and the thing they crave the most and eat is SUGAR… you will never see a FAT ANT..
Option 1
Carefully cut these gym equipment items out, wearing some skimpy shorts and a vest, lift the weights slowly and carefully for 25 minutes for your gym workout. Then sit next to a radiator on full with a coat and leggings on until very sweaty, remove coat and leggings get a bowl of chicken pasta, then walk up to your friends impressing them with just how hard your gym workout was and how you are carb loading afterwards.
Option 2
Stick your head on the body – take a close up picture on your phone and impress your friends… no need for an app, but you do need a printer, some scissors, sellotape or glue. (old skool?)
If you’ve enjoyed buying this gift, then why not check out our equally as crap present the Ultimate Dirty Weekend Experience
delivery
Crap Presents Delivery Information
We do only post within the UK
We do post to BFPO (British Forces Post Office) addresses, as long as it has a UK postcode
Envelopes are provided loose inside the postage envelope for you to use, if the crap present is not personalised and delivered directly, as specified during the checkout process.
We post ALL Crap Presents second class. This is the ONLY postal service we provide – we do not offer an alternative crap service.
Once the purchase has been made, they are posted the next working day. (i.e, if ordered on a Monday, we will be posting the item on the following Tuesday). If an order has been made on a Friday, this will be posted the following Monday. (unless this is a bank holiday and then we wont bother)
We post Monday to Friday ONLY.
The postal service is provided by Royal Mail and they claim to deliver the item the following day after posting, although the service can take anytime up to 5 WORKING DAYS.
We don’t have any control over the service Royal Mail provide – although we are always happy to help if the item has still not arrived after the 5 WORKING DAYS. Our Crap Presents are usually received within 2-3 working days.
If you have NOT received your order within 5 WORKING DAYS, please do contact us as there may have been an issue with the postal service. Our presents may be crap but we will do our best to help.
The address we use to post to comes from the details on you order – therefore please ensure these details are correct at the time of purchase as we cannot change the address once it has been posted. Please do contact us asap if you need to change the address information via email. We will confirm your details have been changed if we can and please allow a few hours for us to confirm receipt of your request.
FAQ's
Q: What is in the crap present ?
A: well… not a lot really… you will get a special certificate which you can write on yourself or we can personalise in crayon before posting. Then the gift which provides all the information and instructions as to how to fully enjoy the gift, where to go and what to do. We also provide additional really crap bits to enhance the experience and make it really special.
Q: How big is the present ?
A: This all comes in a C5 blue envelope… so you cant miss it. Dont get your expectations to high as it is crap, but we hope it will give minutes of enjoyment to that special person and make them laugh.
Q: Are the Crap Presents really crap ?
A: YES… not sure which part of Crap you don’t understand
