Description
Snail Racing Gift
Snail Racing Gift – the sport of kings. Well, it might have been if any of them had ever heard of it.
It’s a competitive sport for people that aren’t in a hurry. But think of the excitement, the buzz! This is not the sort of crap that usually happens in suburbia. You’ll have people beating down your door to take part.*
It can take hours to get a result which is a little bit crap, but a snail’s a snail at the end of the day, it’s only got one speed.
Suitable for:
People with an aversion to anything exciting
Very, very old people
Terminal gamblers
People called Briony
INSTRUCTIONS
- Snail selection – start looking outside. Night-time is best, but if you’re scared of the dark try during the day after it’s rained. They lurk about under things, rocks, garden furniture, bits of wood, hedges. (IMPORTANT – if it hasn’t got a shell on its back it’s a slug. They do NOT get to play)
- Set up the racetrack – use the one we’ve provided or make one of your own
- Place the snails at the start line, make sure they’re facing in the right direction and aren’t dead
- Start the race in the traditional manner by saying – Ready, Steady, Slow
- Shouting encouragement is optional
- Come back and check your snails progress periodically
- The snail that crosses the finish line first wins
- Congratulations – you’re now an expert at Snail Racing Gift
Bespoke your Snail Racing Gift
Why not go large? Don’t limit yourself to just one race. Organise a league. The Snail Olympics are just a sobriety test away.
Before you leave
If you’re buying this gift for someone we’re pretty sure they’ll be blown away by our similar crap gift Paper Aeroplane Racing too. Why not take advantage of our special offer and get them both?
delivery
Crap Presents Delivery Information
We do only post within the UK
We do post to BFPO (British Forces Post Office) addresses, as long as it has a UK postcode
Envelopes are provided loose inside the postage envelope for you to use, if the crap present is not personalised and delivered directly, as specified during the checkout process.
We post ALL Crap Presents second class. This is the ONLY postal service we provide – we do not offer an alternative crap service.
Once the purchase has been made, they are posted the next working day. (i.e, if ordered on a Monday, we will be posting the item on the following Tuesday). If an order has been made on a Friday, this will be posted the following Monday. (unless this is a bank holiday and then we wont bother)
We post Monday to Friday ONLY.
The postal service is provided by Royal Mail and they claim to deliver the item the following day after posting, although the service can take anytime up to 5 WORKING DAYS.
We don’t have any control over the service Royal Mail provide – although we are always happy to help if the item has still not arrived after the 5 WORKING DAYS. Our Crap Presents are usually received within 2-3 working days.
If you have NOT received your order within 5 WORKING DAYS, please do contact us as there may have been an issue with the postal service. Our presents may be crap but we will do our best to help.
The address we use to post to comes from the details on you order – therefore please ensure these details are correct at the time of purchase as we cannot change the address once it has been posted. Please do contact us asap if you need to change the address information via email. We will confirm your details have been changed if we can and please allow a few hours for us to confirm receipt of your request.
FAQ's
Q: What is in the crap present ?
A: well… not a lot really… you will get a special certificate which you can write on yourself or we can personalise in crayon before posting. Then the gift which provides all the information and instructions as to how to fully enjoy the gift, where to go and what to do. We also provide additional really crap bits to enhance the experience and make it really special.
Q: How big is the present ?
A: This all comes in a C5 blue envelope… so you cant miss it. Dont get your expectations to high as it is crap, but we hope it will give minutes of enjoyment to that special person and make them laugh.
Q: Are the Crap Presents really crap ?
A: YES… not sure which part of Crap you don’t understand
Q: Are the snails going to get hurt with this gift?
A: What!!! Do you really think you are going to be racing on actual snails – how big do you think they are!
