Own your own piece of Beach Gift



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Own Your Own Piece of Beach Gift

Ever fancied seeing your name in lights?  Well this gift is literally light years better than that earch bound ambition!

Balmy summer evenings, walking barefoot down a tropical beach, the warm sand between your toes, a long, cool drink in your hand. Sounds idyllic doesn’t it? This is nothing like that. Unless the person you’re buying this for happens to be on holiday somewhere lovely when your gift arrives. Otherwise it’s going to be a bit crap.

Suitable for:
People that take a lot of beach holidays
Sandcastle enthusiasts
Skinny, very pale skinned young men
Neptune God of the Sea

If you’re the recipient of this gift and you don’t live near the coast, well, that’s crap. But not total crap.


Take yourself (and a loved one, if you’ve got one) to your local beach (or beach alternative)
We recommend choosing a sunny day, but work with what you’ve got
If necessary knock the sand about a bit until it looks at least a little bit like a beach
If challenged or threatened by anyone during this activity – run away
Whip out your mobile or camera and take a photograph of the most appealing section of sand you can see
Return to your abode, print out and frame your picture.
Congratulations! You now Own your Own Piece of Beach Gift

Upgrade your Gift
Take a small container with you when you visit your beach/beach alternative location.

After you’ve taken your photo, discreetly fill said box with some sand (What? You’re only borrowing it) When you get home, display your REAL SAND with pride next to your framed picture.

Before you leave

Love this gift?  We’re pretty sure you’ll be equally blown away by our gift Name and Own your Own Star. Why not take advantage of our crap special offer and get them both?**


Crap Presents Delivery Information

We do only post within the UK

We do post to BFPO (British Forces Post Office) addresses, as long as it has a UK postcode

Envelopes are provided loose inside the postage envelope for you to use, if the crap present is not personalised and delivered directly, as specified during the checkout process.

We post ALL Crap Presents second class. This is the ONLY postal service we provide – we do not offer an alternative crap service.

Once the purchase has been made, they are posted the next working day. (i.e, if ordered on a Monday, we will be posting the item on the following Tuesday). If an order has been made on a Friday, this will be posted the following Monday. (unless this is a bank holiday and then we wont bother)

We post Monday to Friday ONLY.

The postal service is provided by Royal Mail and they claim to deliver the item the following day after posting, although the service can take anytime up to 5 WORKING DAYS.

We don’t have any control over the service Royal Mail provide – although we are always happy to help if the item has still not arrived after the 5 WORKING DAYS. Our Crap Presents are usually received within 2-3 working days.

If you have NOT received your order within 5 WORKING DAYS, please do contact us as there may have been an issue with the postal service. Our presents may be crap but we will do our best to help.

The address we use to post to comes from the details on you order – therefore please ensure these details are correct at the time of purchase as we cannot change the address once it has been posted. Please do contact us asap if you need to change the address information via email. We will confirm your details have been changed if we can and please allow a few hours for us to confirm receipt of your request.


Q: What is in the crap present ?

A: well… not a lot really…  you will get a special certificate which you can write on yourself or we can personalise in crayon before posting. Then the gift which provides all the information and instructions as to how to fully enjoy the gift, where to go and what to do. We also provide additional really crap bits to enhance the experience and make it really special.

Q: How big is the present ?

A: This all comes in a C5 blue envelope… so you cant miss it. Dont get your expectations to high as it is crap, but we hope it will give minutes of enjoyment to that special person and make them laugh.

Q: Are the Crap Presents really crap ?

A: YES… not sure which part of Crap you don’t understand


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