Description
Ultimate Driving Experience
Imagine the Ultimate Driving Experience. So many extraordinary cars to choose from:
Bugatti Veyron, Koenigsegg CCR, McLaren F1, Aston Martin DB8, Tesla Roadster, Ferrari, Porsche 911, Lamborghini, Audi R8, Jaguar F-Type, Nissan GTR.
Just pick one, get in, take hold of the steering wheel, put your foot down and feel the power.
Have you got that image clear in your mind? You, the car, the power, the track? Good. Because this is not that experience. This is a whole other level of crap.
On the plus side, you don’t have to be able to drive to enjoy this gift. Or wealthy. Or even a human being.*
Suitable for:
Anyone that’s banned can’t drive
Miss Daisy
Retired navigators
Petrol heads who are ‘between’ cars
INSTRUCTIONS FOR THE DRIVING EXPERIENCE
- Choose your driver. (We recommend making your selection from people you know.)
- Arrange the time and date of your driving experience, preferably with your driver.
- Arrive in good time.
- Sit where the driver tells you. (If it’s not the passenger seat, sulking is optional.)
- Buckle up.
- Wait for the car to move off.
- Congratulations! You are having an Ultimate Driving Experience
Upgrade to the Deluxe Gift 1
Pretend you’re a celebrity, one of the eccentric uber rich.
As you’re about to leave on your journey, stand by the back door of the vehicle tapping your foot until someone opens it for you. Every time a set of traffic lights turns green say ‘Drive on James, and don’t spare the horses!’
Upgrade to the Deluxe Gift 2
Pretend you’re an enigmatic stranger in a slasher movie.
Sit in the passenger seat, all of your body facing forward except your head. Stare unblinking at your drivers face. When they look at you, smile your most sinister smile, then immediately deadpan. If they speak to you just shrug, then look out of the window. Wait a few seconds. Repeat.
Lovers of this driving experience may also like our boating experience
delivery
Crap Presents Delivery Information
We do only post within the UK
We do post to BFPO (British Forces Post Office) addresses, as long as it has a UK postcode
Envelopes are provided loose inside the postage envelope for you to use, if the crap present is not personalised and delivered directly, as specified during the checkout process.
We post ALL Crap Presents second class. This is the ONLY postal service we provide – we do not offer an alternative crap service.
Once the purchase has been made, they are posted the next working day. (i.e, if ordered on a Monday, we will be posting the item on the following Tuesday). If an order has been made on a Friday, this will be posted the following Monday. (unless this is a bank holiday and then we wont bother)
We post Monday to Friday ONLY.
The postal service is provided by Royal Mail and they claim to deliver the item the following day after posting, although the service can take anytime up to 5 WORKING DAYS.
We don’t have any control over the service Royal Mail provide – although we are always happy to help if the item has still not arrived after the 5 WORKING DAYS. Our Crap Presents are usually received within 2-3 working days.
If you have NOT received your order within 5 WORKING DAYS, please do contact us as there may have been an issue with the postal service. Our presents may be crap but we will do our best to help.
The address we use to post to comes from the details on you order – therefore please ensure these details are correct at the time of purchase as we cannot change the address once it has been posted. Please do contact us asap if you need to change the address information via email. We will confirm your details have been changed if we can and please allow a few hours for us to confirm receipt of your request.
FAQ's
Q: What is in the crap present ?
A: well… not a lot really… you will get a special certificate which you can write on yourself or we can personalise in crayon before posting. Then the gift which provides all the information and instructions as to how to fully enjoy the gift, where to go and what to do. We also provide additional really crap bits to enhance the experience and make it really special.
Q: How big is the present ?
A: This all comes in a C5 blue envelope… so you cant miss it. Dont get your expectations to high as it is crap, but we hope it will give minutes of enjoyment to that special person and make them laugh.
Q: Are the Crap Presents really crap ?
A: YES… not sure which part of Crap you don’t understand
Q: So I don’t need a driving license?
A: You don’t – however the other person involved in this gift will need to. But, if you decide to change the instructions of this gift then we are not going to take the blame if you get stopped and don’t have a license – that would be really crap of you to blame us!
