Ultimate Dirty Weekend Experience



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Ultimate Dirty Weekend Experience

This gift has nothing to do with sex We’re not that kind of site. Think more literally. It’s a dirty weekend experience with a difference.

You could describe the ultimate dirty weekend as an earthy antidote to today’s sterile, cleanliness obsessed anti-bacterial lifestyles – It’d be crap, but you could – if you were really desperate to justify, what is essentially, licence to spend two days having food fights and not washing.

This is a no holds barred, full on dirt fest. Anything goes. The more dirt the better.  At least, that’s what Brian in graphics told us. And curiously, so did Karla from admin.

Suitable for:
Boys between the ages of 6 and 10
People that wear polo necked jumpers
Investment bankers


  • Clear your calendar for the whole weekend
  • Set your limits (this is especially important if taking the Adult Package)
    • Poor communication can easily lead to misunderstandings and even bruising
    • We recommend drawing up a list of acceptable activities and sticking to it
  • Match dirty deeds, don’t exceed (covering someone in mud when they’re revelling in wearing day old makeup is not going to go down well)
  • If you’ve
    • A – never been a child
    • B – can’t believe how crap this gift it
    • C – have a hang up about cleanliness

Here are some suggestions for kicking off that dirty weekend

  • Food fight
  • Eat without cutlery/a napkin/a plate
  • Do the gardening with no gloves and bare feet
  • Play in the mud
  • Get wet – hoses, water pistols – but NO Bathing
  • Face painting
  • You can get as dirty as you want – this is your experience – live it!
  • Congratulations – you’re ready to have the Ultimate Dirty Weekend

Adult Package

If there’s a special someone, why not invite them along? Two days of dirtiness followed by double bath time. If you’re lucky.

If you love this Dirty Weekend Experience, then we’re pretty sure you would love our murder mystery


Crap Presents Delivery Information

We do only post within the UK

We do post to BFPO (British Forces Post Office) addresses, as long as it has a UK postcode

Envelopes are provided loose inside the postage envelope for you to use, if the crap present is not personalised and delivered directly, as specified during the checkout process.

We post ALL Crap Presents second class. This is the ONLY postal service we provide – we do not offer an alternative crap service.

Once the purchase has been made, they are posted the next working day. (i.e, if ordered on a Monday, we will be posting the item on the following Tuesday). If an order has been made on a Friday, this will be posted the following Monday. (unless this is a bank holiday and then we wont bother)

We post Monday to Friday ONLY.

The postal service is provided by Royal Mail and they claim to deliver the item the following day after posting, although the service can take anytime up to 5 WORKING DAYS.

We don’t have any control over the service Royal Mail provide – although we are always happy to help if the item has still not arrived after the 5 WORKING DAYS. Our Crap Presents are usually received within 2-3 working days.

If you have NOT received your order within 5 WORKING DAYS, please do contact us as there may have been an issue with the postal service. Our presents may be crap but we will do our best to help.

The address we use to post to comes from the details on you order – therefore please ensure these details are correct at the time of purchase as we cannot change the address once it has been posted. Please do contact us asap if you need to change the address information via email. We will confirm your details have been changed if we can and please allow a few hours for us to confirm receipt of your request.


Q: What is in the crap present ?

A: well… not a lot really…  you will get a special certificate which you can write on yourself or we can personalise in crayon before posting. Then the gift which provides all the information and instructions as to how to fully enjoy the gift, where to go and what to do. We also provide additional really crap bits to enhance the experience and make it really special.

Q: How big is the present ?

A: This all comes in a C5 blue envelope… so you cant miss it. Dont get your expectations to high as it is crap, but we hope it will give minutes of enjoyment to that special person and make them laugh.

Q: Are the Crap Presents really crap ?

A: YES… not sure which part of Crap you don’t understand


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