Description
Name and Own Your Own Star Gift
For millennia human beings have been dazzled and intrigued by the vastness of space and the multitude of heavenly bodies therein. Or, as early 19th century English poet Jane Taylor once put it:
Twinkle, twinkle little star, how I wonder what you are,
Up above the world so high, like a diamond in the sky
Twinkle, twinkle little star, how I wonder what you are.
It would indeed be a fabulous gift, to name and own a diamond from the sky. But this gift is much more crap than that.
Suitable for:
Anyone with eyes
Romantic fools
Egomaniacs
Astronauts
INSTRUCTIONS
- Wait for a clear, dark night.
- Go somewhere where you can actually see the stars in the sky
- Look up into that chilling vastness and pick out the brightest, most sparking star you can see
- Take a photo (zoom in as best you can, if your camera’s not too crap to close up)
- If you see something carving a glowing arc across the heavens – this is not a star.
- It’s either:
- The end of the world
- A rock
- A satellite
- A bit of some space station
- Aliens
- Pick something else to photograph.
- Don’t bother checking on any astrological charts or star maps when you get back home. A gift this crap won’t stand up to any scrutiny. Basically, any spot of light up there’s a star, right?! Right.
- Print out a photo of your star, give it a name (yes, you can call it Roger if you really want to)
- Frame it and put it on the wall.
- Congratulations – you now Own Your Own Named Star
Bespoke your Star Gift
You can’t. This gift is so crap there’s no way to improve it.
This gift on the crap scale sits at 8
Love this star gift, then you might like our Apollo Astronaut Training
delivery
Crap Presents Delivery Information
We do only post within the UK
We do post to BFPO (British Forces Post Office) addresses, as long as it has a UK postcode
Envelopes are provided loose inside the postage envelope for you to use, if the crap present is not personalised and delivered directly, as specified during the checkout process.
We post ALL Crap Presents second class. This is the ONLY postal service we provide – we do not offer an alternative crap service.
Once the purchase has been made, they are posted the next working day. (i.e, if ordered on a Monday, we will be posting the item on the following Tuesday). If an order has been made on a Friday, this will be posted the following Monday. (unless this is a bank holiday and then we wont bother)
We post Monday to Friday ONLY.
The postal service is provided by Royal Mail and they claim to deliver the item the following day after posting, although the service can take anytime up to 5 WORKING DAYS.
We don’t have any control over the service Royal Mail provide – although we are always happy to help if the item has still not arrived after the 5 WORKING DAYS. Our Crap Presents are usually received within 2-3 working days.
If you have NOT received your order within 5 WORKING DAYS, please do contact us as there may have been an issue with the postal service. Our presents may be crap but we will do our best to help.
The address we use to post to comes from the details on you order – therefore please ensure these details are correct at the time of purchase as we cannot change the address once it has been posted. Please do contact us asap if you need to change the address information via email. We will confirm your details have been changed if we can and please allow a few hours for us to confirm receipt of your request.
FAQ's
Q: What is in the crap present ?
A: well… not a lot really… you will get a special certificate which you can write on yourself or we can personalise in crayon before posting. Then the gift which provides all the information and instructions as to how to fully enjoy the gift, where to go and what to do. We also provide additional really crap bits to enhance the experience and make it really special.
Q: How big is the present ?
A: This all comes in a C5 blue envelope… so you cant miss it. Dont get your expectations to high as it is crap, but we hope it will give minutes of enjoyment to that special person and make them laugh.
Q: Are the Crap Presents really crap ?
A: YES… not sure which part of Crap you don’t understand
