Apollo Astronaut Training Gift



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Astronaut Training Gift – The dream starts here.

With all of space and time on the menu who wouldn’t want to be an astronaut?! And if you think being an Apollo astronaut is a bit crap compared to being Dr Who, please keep it in perspective. ASTRONAUT!!

But not everyone is made of the right stuff for astronauting. There’s got to be a way to weed out the crap. That’s what Apollo Astronaut Training is for.  Medical tests, physical training, procedural training, extra-vehicular training, experiment training, geology training and origami practice.

Have you ever wanted to go into space? You know, watching galaxies being born and stars going supernova; experiencing hyperdrive travel with a psychopathic ship’s computer, that sort of thing?

Well, unless you’re Dr Who, our super crap Apollo Astronaut Training gift is probably the closest you’re going to get!

So grab your space suit, go get ready for the centrifuge challenge, and kiss your lunch goodbye!


  • You will need – a broom, comfortable shoes, a bucket full of different sized soft(ish) objects, a friend
  • Find an outside space where you have room to move about
  • Make sure your friend is ready to film your efforts, you’ll need to assess your performance later

Centrifuge Challenge

  • Hold the broom in both hands over your head
  • Keeping your gaze up at the top of the broom, spin yourself around 20 times (ask your friend to count out loud for you)
  • Put the broom down on the ground and jump over it

External Events Challenge

  • Give the bucket of soft(ish) objects to your friend
  • Start running around about your outside space
  • Your friend will now throw the objects at you from anywhere they like
  • Try to avoid being hit
  • Congratulations – you have started your Apollo Astronaut Training!

Bespoke your Astronaut Training Gift

After completing the physical training we’ve provided, why not move through the other aspects, make an origami swan whilst wearing a pair of gardening gloves, ask a 15-year-old to test you on some maths questions.

Anyone called Neil Armstrong
People that think they’re super geniuses

If you think this gift is amazing, then maybe you would like our Plane Spotting Gift too – another fun gift from Crap Presents


Crap Presents Delivery Information

We do only post within the UK

We do post to BFPO (British Forces Post Office) addresses, as long as it has a UK postcode

Envelopes are provided loose inside the postage envelope for you to use, if the crap present is not personalised and delivered directly, as specified during the checkout process.

We post ALL Crap Presents second class. This is the ONLY postal service we provide – we do not offer an alternative crap service.

Once the purchase has been made, they are posted the next working day. (i.e, if ordered on a Monday, we will be posting the item on the following Tuesday). If an order has been made on a Friday, this will be posted the following Monday. (unless this is a bank holiday and then we wont bother)

We post Monday to Friday ONLY.

The postal service is provided by Royal Mail and they claim to deliver the item the following day after posting, although the service can take anytime up to 5 WORKING DAYS.

We don’t have any control over the service Royal Mail provide – although we are always happy to help if the item has still not arrived after the 5 WORKING DAYS. Our Crap Presents are usually received within 2-3 working days.

If you have NOT received your order within 5 WORKING DAYS, please do contact us as there may have been an issue with the postal service. Our presents may be crap but we will do our best to help.

The address we use to post to comes from the details on you order – therefore please ensure these details are correct at the time of purchase as we cannot change the address once it has been posted. Please do contact us asap if you need to change the address information via email. We will confirm your details have been changed if we can and please allow a few hours for us to confirm receipt of your request.


Q: What is in the crap present ?

A: well… not a lot really…  you will get a special certificate which you can write on yourself or we can personalise in crayon before posting. Then the gift which provides all the information and instructions as to how to fully enjoy the gift, where to go and what to do. We also provide additional really crap bits to enhance the experience and make it really special.

Q: How big is the present ?

A: This all comes in a C5 blue envelope… so you cant miss it. Dont get your expectations to high as it is crap, but we hope it will give minutes of enjoyment to that special person and make them laugh.

Q: Are the Crap Presents really crap ?

A: YES… not sure which part of Crap you don’t understand


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